God the Father; God the Mother

When I was in my 20's I was looking at how I prayed and I realized I started prayers with "Dear Lord"...well this I realized was really messed up!  After all the Lord, was the oppressive master in a feudal system of economic oppression....hardly how I wanted to think of the Holy One!  So I started trying to decide how I wanted to call God:  Father...no that implied God was male.  Mother....no that implied God was female.  Goddess...same issue.  Creator? Nice but seemed to overlook the time with God after creation.  Aba...same issue as Father above.  After I read Yahweh was Hebrew for “the One who cannot be Named” I liked that for weeks...but it simply did not ring for me.  Eventually one day in worship I heard the melody of a popular song that says in one line  "Oh by beloved I'm crying".  I had always thought of that verse as being about a human lover, but it occurred to me that God had to be the Most Beloved.  But even that seemed to ignore other aspect of God - God the Creator, or the Divine Parent, etc.  Then suddenly to the same melody I heard all of the names playing in succession and then I realized they were all the right name!  The problem was trying to reduce God to only one name.  I then saw that what I really wanted to do was be in the present moment naming the Most Miraculous One as I experienced God in that very moment.  From then on this is indeed how I have called The Great Soul and have saved the word God for a coin of the realm when I want to be sure another knows what I mean or when I am simply intellectually talking about God and not relating to my Creator.

In the many years I have spent talking to people about their experience of the Spirit I see however that our concept of God is highly shaped by our own personal experience of our parents.  After all our parents were the first all powerful beings we experienced, and if things went well they were also the first beings we felt loved by.  Unfortunately they were also the first people who punished us, and the first people who hurt us.  So I find if someone had a distant aloof parent they tend to see God that way.  If they had a loving supportive parent they tend to see God that way.  If their parent was very punishing they believe in a God of the Old Testament.  And so it goes.  In fact once I gave a workshop entitled "Healing our Spiritual Wounds" and almost all the wounds people brought were a difficulty in feeling connected to God.   When I asked about their relationship to their parents they would describe a very similar difficulty in that relationship.   So I invite you to consider for a moment in what ways do you see God as like your parents?

So are you just in trouble forever if you had a terrible relationship to your parents?  No, not at all, but it does mean that you need to connect to where in your life have you felt unconditional love or at least most strongly loved.  It helps to then consciously strengthen the connection in your mind between that behavior and set feelings and your concept of God.  That person has modeled to you a small portion of the Divine Lover.  I think this is very important because I think a large portion of people who give up on religion or even on God do so because the images in the Bible often describe an angry, or vengeful or punitive God and that way too easily connects to painful parental images.  Apparently, Aba is Hebrew for essentially Daddy - Jesus calls God Aba in this very familiar and tender way.  I think we need to be able to call God in ways that are familiar and tender because they allow us much more easily to connect to a Loving God!

I think one of the disillusioning and difficult moments of life is when we first realize our parents are not perfect or all powerful!  This I think is its’ own fall from Eden.  In facing the difficulties and travails of life I think there are times when we all need to be able to turn to someone or something larger than ourselves. If we are lucky, sometimes we can lean on a partner, but even they are not big enough for some of the trauma’s and loses of life.  Some of my agnostic friends say  “Oh this is why people make up the concept of God – to have a crutch to rely on.”  I’m not concerned about this.  I’m not concerned because I have been able to rely on The Rock and that has been real.  But I’m also not concerned about it because the pragmatist in me says:  So if we make something up and it helps and we even live a better life for it… then what is the problem?  Studies show that people who identify as religious have better mental health over all and tend to rate themselves as happier on happiness scales.   So is this such a bad idea?

A friend of mine shared with me that her spiritual life was always a struggle - then one day she went to a workshop where she was invited to call God Mother- in that moment she says something revolutionarily changed in her spiritual life.  Suddenly she could see God in her own image.  She could notice the gentle, nurturing, life giving qualities of God.  This is not everyone's experience.  For some of us to give God any gender again traps and makes smaller The Infinite One. 

But I do invite you to examine: is God male or female or genderless in your experience of the Only One?  Is God the Creator of everything , or the co-creators with all of Life?  Is God all powerful, or simply the field of Unity upon which the Universe rests?  Is God the creator of our conscience or is God neutral and unconcerned with the choices of mankind or of a (wo)man? What qualities and traits do you experience in God? How big is the God you know? What names call out to that which you have known in your own soul?  But most importantly, how do we get really personal with the Inward Dwelling One?

Why is There Evil?

"Why is there evil?"  this is a question a client asked me recently, but is also I think one of the most common spiritual or theological questions throughout the ages.  (Right along side of why do we die?)  Various religions answer this differently - because of original sin, because of free choice, because of the devil, as a karmic punishment, because the nature of life is suffering, etc.  Some find one of those answers to be a satisfying answer; most of us I think do not.  For those of patchwork faith (those who construct their own theology as they seek truth where ever they find it) this question does engage a  lot of other questions - like what is the nature of God?  How powerful is God? Is there sin?  Do we have free choice or live predestined lives?  Is there Karma?  Do we reincarnate?

Part of the purpose of this blog is to ask you to engage deeply with all of those questions.  And I will try humbly to answer here the question as I understand it.

I do believe in free will.  If there was not free will we would live lives of fate and predestined outcomes.  So we are free to choose what we do, whether it is good or bad.  Most of us unless very psychologically damaged have consciences, so one psychological answer is: damage results in more damage.  Violence and oppression become passed on. Statistics are pretty clear that those who were sexually abused often become perpetrators; those who experienced domestic violence growing up are at higher risk to act out violently.  

But freewill certainly does not explain things like Enron or Hitler.  The example of Nazi Germany certainly gives us the example of ordinary people in mass numbers doing terrible things.  We see the impact of a whole culture of propaganda, education, youth groups, and societal pressure and punishments creating a cultural normal that did evil things.  A less intense but still powerful example of societal norms supporting evil is slavery in the US or I would argue environmental destruction in our current age.

But even these psychological or sociologic explanations do not account for why between two victims in a family where sexual abuse happens, one goes out and becomes abusive, and the other does not.  Nor does it account for how people in torture centers come up with the things they do.  It also does not address the disturbing answer to the other side of the coin - why do some people become the victims?  It cannot be as easily answered as "in the wrong place at the wrong time"  Yes sometimes, but why are children born with AIDS or drug addiction.   Then we might ask how does a just Creator allow such suffering?

I do not believe God can both grant free will and be all powerful.  So in granting us freewill this means God grants us the power to intentionally or unintentionally cause harm to other human beings, and the power to deny what God might want for us.  Some people are simply there at the wrong moment.  But I also do believe in reincarnation, so I believe we all choose the lives and circumstances we are born into to maximize the growth intentions of this life time.  Which is to say when we live many lifetimes, we do not and cannot learn all there is to learn in just one lifetime.  Just like the learning within one life, some of our early choices effect  or limit the choices available or logical to follow later. 

This is perhaps another way of talking about Karma.  I believe young souls learn elemental lessons about violence, love, trust, truth...which is why as a society we have a lot of struggles in those areas.  But from those lessons we choose more complicated situations, or sometimes opposite situations in order to learn the lessons we need to learn.  Thus two souls in similar circumstances may make quite different choices. So having perpetrated violence in one lifetime we may choose a life where we will be a victim of violence as a way of learning about all sides of violence.  Some people call that Karma.

So back to why would a child be born with AIDS or drug addiction?  I do not believe Karma is a punishment but simply a learning opportunity.  So if one needed to learn about dependency, about meaning based not on accomplishments, about addiction itself, about the overcoming of addiction, etc  all of these are reasons one could choose such a life.

It is still hard to understand why one might be born into famine and starvation: what learning could come of this, or to die in a death camp?  Several writers I have read suggest that in order for us to see Light that we must have the contrast of dark.  They suggest that God allows for our bad choices as contrast that leads to learning for good choices.  These same writers suggest that some souls choose lives of suffering or victimhood as a sacrifice and a contribution to the collective human consciousness and learning.  These writers suggest that the Holocaust and the several genocides since then in Africa and Bosnia are occasions that have laid bare to the world the horror of scapegoating a whole ethnic group, of doing enemy think on such a massive level, of the reign of terror of one group of people turned on another.  Given that the word Hitler is almost a synonym for evil in our culture, it does serve as a powerful symbol in our collective consciousness.  Yes much better that we would have learned the lesson on a permanent level, but there were still souls who did not learn that lesson by the conclusion of WWII or people whose lives were so wholly focused on other lessons during that time (or souls not on earth then) that there were still souls needing to learn that lesson in Darfur, etc. 

Does humanity make any progress or do we just go round in circles?  There is far less child abuse on the planet that 200 years ago, in many cultures it now so widely condemned that it must be hidden.   Studies show that there is less wars being fought right now than ever before in history proportionate to the population.  Slavery while not abolished is also far less prevalent and universally condemned as a "bad" thing.  So it does seem as Martin Luther King, Jr. said that "the arc of history is long and bends towards justice."  Our souls are linked not just in this lifetime to a web of Friends and family, but also through many lifetimes to a collective shared experience and a slow but steady learning curve.

This also suggests to me that how we respond to the suffering or evil that falls over our own life is incredibly important, both for ourselves and for the collective consciousness.   I once watched on tv the sentencing for the Green River Killer, a serial murderer in the State of WA.  Family members were all getting a chance to make a statement to him before his sentencing.  Some were full of anger, condemnation and hatred.  A very few offered him forgiveness.  Most tragic to me was a woman who blamed him for every wrong that had befallen her since the murder of a family member, including her husband getting Alzheimer’s!  What a convenient scapegoat he was for her, and yet she was full of bitterness and misery.  By contrast the man who testified to his faith and that God had given him the power to forgive as Jesus forgives us, had clearly much more peace and also happiness while still clearly loving and missing his deceased daughter.  If we are here to learn, than how we respond to evil either means we learn from the lesson handed us, or tragically we fail to learn, and may dance with that particular evil many more times while trying to learn its lessons.

Have you lived before?

Most people find the question of reincarnation quite fascinating.  There are whole religions like Buddhism and Hinduism that believe in reincarnation as part of their theology.  Christianity does not believing that the afterlife is in Heaven.  Judaism believes that this life is the whole ball game.  The ancient Egyptians of course had very elaborate beliefs and rituals surrounding the belief in reincarnation.  Even though this is a Christian nation which would suggest that the general public does not believe in reincarnation, a 2009 Pew polls showed 24% of Americans do believe in reincarnation.

Why do some people believe in this?  I think reasons range from remembering past lives, the hope to be with loved ones again in another time, to some logic of seeing how nature recycles all atoms in some sort of way and feeling this is the way nature works.   Like most beliefs I encourage people who "don't know" to try this on for an hour or two or a day and see - what does it make sense of if it is true?  How does it sit with you if it is true.

Here is a summery of some things I see that it sheds light on if true:
If we live more than one life clearly there is a learning cycle that is longer than a life time.  This seems to imply that the soul which takes more than one body over time, does retain some memory - if not of a life at least of its lessons.  This to me also helps explain the evolution of humanity over time - a shared memory, not just passed down generationally, but in our shared soul.

It has important implications for morality.  If we are to live repeatedly than the mistakes, or "sins" or evils we do have implications for our future live(s).  I have heard this explained in at least two different ways:1) that as a punishment for actions in a past life we are born into circumstances that will punish us (a Hindu belief taken out to justify a caste system.)  This then theoretically also explains why people suffer - although in a way that to western eyes looks like a blame the victim position. 

The 2nd explanation is that we "choose" our next life as part of a past life review done "on the other side".  Included in this idea is the sense that we arrive at some place of deeper wisdom, compassion and insight while united with the Light/God and that from that place of wisdom we choose the circumstances that will help us learn what we still need to learn or accomplish what we still need to do.  (Some versions say we can see everything about the life we will live, other versions say we will see only the circumstances of our birth- parents, relatives, soci-economic status, country, environment, etc. and thus sort of take our "best shot" at getting the right set up for our spiritual goals.)  As a therapist I know it can be quite "activating" for people to look at the idea that they chose their parents ("those SOBs!  No Way I'm not a masochist!")  But I find even in very abusive situations people are able to see lessons they learned, ways they were shaped that now serve them, or strange silver linings in the hand they feel they were dealt. (or chose?)  In some cases it is actually amazingly freeing and healing to let go of a victim posture and embrace one's whole life, all of it as deliberate and meaningful.  This second position also goes a way towards explaining suffering, but differently - as part of the classroom where we learn.  And here I want to be clear that I do not assume that learning always occurs by positive instruction.  If we burn our hand in a fire we also learn something.

So pick one that makes sense to you - so you got here in this life via that means....then what.  If you are living many lives than the question of karma becomes newly meaningful.  If you treat a sibling or spouse meanly or wrongly how does that show up in another life.   I would imagine one unkind act has no real impact....but a lifetime - yep you got karma.  One set of beliefs says we will pay in another life time but maybe not with that person but just with a similar situation.  Another set of beliefs says we will be in lifetime after life time with that person (sometimes switching roles) till we "get it right"".   It would seem to me that in either case to treat a spouse abusively either risks a life time in which one will be treated abusively by a spouse or like the movie ground hog day has us in "take" after "take" in a marriage with the chance to be abusive or not....  Either way in my mind the efficient course is to act with compassion, and justice now rather than putting it off to another life time. 

It is strange to me that Christianity promotes right moral behavior by suggesting sins will be punished in the afterlife.  I do not see this as powerfully motivating most Christians to act morally.  Yet there is something about the idea that doing evil to another ruins your own karma that does seem to give people pause in their actions.  Christianity also suggests that suicide is a sin and thus attempts to prevent the commission of this act.  Perhaps this has stopped people from killing themselves.  But reincarnation makes the claim that if you kill yourself you will simply return to a life with a similar circumstance or suffering and face the choice again until you learn how not to escape the problem at hand.  This I have known to stop seriously suicidal people from killing themselves.  Rather than being a path out of suffering it then reframes it as a path to vastly more suffering.

So those who are scientifically minded are always looking for proof for spiritual beliefs. I actually think reincarnation has more proof to it than many other spiritual beliefs.  If one is not convinced that the Dali Lama is the same soul reincarnated for successive life times as that generations Dali Lama.  (the proof being that a small child who is the next Dali Lama can pick out possessions of the former Dali Lama out of a pile of objects and answer questions about his life.)  Then one might find interesting the following video clip of an American boy who kept telling his parents about dying in a plane over the ocean in a war, until he provided enough information that they were able to find the WWII records of his life, service and death, and reunite him with a still living sister.  http://www.youtube.com/results?search_query=Parents+Think+Boy+Is+Reincarnated+Pilot&search_type=&aq=f

The most convincing for me however is a story of an American woman who from a small child on drew pictures and talked of a family she had had in Ireland.  She remembered dying in childbirth very frightened for her the children she was leaving behind.  As an adult her mother helped her find the village and return there were she discovered one of the children still living there and was able to tell him things that he said only his dead mother would have known!

So what would it mean for your spiritual life if you knew you had lived other lives?

Recoknowing..or spiritual nigglings

Recently in a conversation with another person she came up with the word "recoknowing". What is this?  It is a brilliant way to describe the spiritual experience of knowing something on a deep or inner level and being mindful enough to recognize it as truth - truth from the Source.  Not long before in a conversation with a client we addressed the topic of "communication with God".  My client felt very frustrated that there was not/is not enough communication with God.  This of course brought up the question of how do we know when God is speaking?  How do we hear God?  (I have loved the UCC banner from a few years ago that says:  “God is not done speaking.”)

It became clear to me during the course of talking with my client that if we have a very precise, narrow or anthropomorphic idea of what God's communication is like, then a great deal of communication can occur that will go right by us.  It reminded me of the old joke about the person in a huge flood who goes up on the roof of their house and prays for God to deliver them.  First a person comes by floating on a big log and offers space on the log.  The person says no feeling the log is too small and too risky.  Then someone comes by in a row boat and offers help - no the roof dweller says, feeling confident that God will save them.  Finally a helicopter come by and lowers a rope, but the roof dweller again refuses feeling the rope and the ascent to the ‘copter is way to scary.  Eventually the person drowns, and when they go to Heaven they rather reproachfully say to God:  "I prayed for your help.  Why did you not save me?"  God replies:  "I sent you a log, a boat and a helicopter - what more did you want?"

I wonder if we do not often missed God's communication in much the same way, not seeing it in the "ordinary" or human language it may come in.  It has been both a joy and a frustration in my life to try to understand the synchronistic or metaphorical way God may sometimes speak to us.  But if you ask people to tell examples of synchronistic events that have happened in their life - often at very critical turning points, some of the stories will actually send shivers up your spine. 

I have always been both fascinated and horrified at the same time by the stories after 9/11 of people who were suppose to be in the Towers that day, or on those flights who weren't:  the person who didn't go to work that day because he was taking his son to his first day of kindergarten, the woman who broke the heel on her high heels and stopped to have them fixed, the person who went out on an errand, the person who was fired the week before  - or the person who "missed their plane" or more tragically the man who was on the plane because he rescheduled to spend the night before at home with his wife for her birthday.   Are these all simply coincidences or did Spirit speak to each of those people calling them to certain choices they made that day or week?

A friend of mine's young dog chewed on her glasses scratching them.  The only way she could get a new pair was to have another examination done, the first in four year - only to discover that she had severe sight threatening Glaucoma.  Coincidence, or Spirit speaking?  Another friend happened by a series of unusual turn of events to be at a meeting with a man who sold supplemental health insurance.  She heard his pitch for a special cancer rider which could be added to your policy which paid all uncovered co-pays and lost wages if you had treatment for cancer.  Something in her just nudged her to do it.  6 months later she was diagnosed with colon cancer; the policy made the different for her as a single person going through 9 months of chemotherapy.  Serendipity, or the Holy One whispering within?

Some denominations tell stories of the faithful following God's direction so literally that they would come to an intersection in their horse and buggy and wait until they sensed which direction to go next.  John Woolman,  a famous Quaker, journaled of feeling called to go to Barbados to preach against slavery, buying the ticket on a ship and traveling all the way to the port and then at the port getting a "message" that he had completed what God had required of him and turning around going home!  Madness or faithfulness to a message received?

Have you ever felt sort of driven to tell another person something?  Not because you were trying to persuade them of a given point or tell them what to do, but just felt it was important to communicate some information, inspiration or encouragement to another?  This is an almost daily experience for me.  Sometimes the words are sort of shrugged off with a sort of "oh right, whatever", but more often they are received with great gratitude and even sometimes with a "thank you I have been really thinking about this, looking for this communication."  This I think is an example of how God taps us on the shoulder and asks us to minister to each other, therefore using our mouths as the vessels that deliver the messages.

Courage or Serenity

Recently I finished reading the book: The Wisdom to Know the Difference by Eileen Flanigan, a Quaker woman.  It is a book about the Serenity prayer: 
     "God grant me the courage to change the things I can and the serenity to accept
      the things I cannot change and the wisdom to know the difference."  

One of the things that is very clear to me is that we are all "bent" one way or the other by our childhood experience.  Some of us always strive to change things, other anticipate accepting the situation as it is and "letting go" that which distresses them.  But for the most part on either side of this fence I think we do it as a secular activity.  By this I mean I think we do what we do as a pattern, barely considered, and certainly with no thought for the Divine Actor.

What if instead we were checking in with the Creator?  What if we learned to routinely hold the events of our life and are responses to them up to the guidance of the Holy One?  What if we really asked The Holy One to show us when we needed to take action and give us the needed courage to do so,  or to show us that we needed to be still and find peace and contentment with what is?  What if the Wisdom to know the difference is not something that our little brains figure out but something that the All Mighty shows us?

God Who?

As my friends will tell you, for years I have suffered from what I call "God Who?"   This is a state of forgetting God when the chips are down.   It is not, as is the case for some people, that I doubt the existence of God or have any sort of faith crisis.  No in fact if someone would ask me while I'm in a state of fear or anger if I believe in God I would say "absolutely".  But in such states I forget all about God; I'm knocked off center and living in a soup of miserable emotions.  My brain is busy trying to figure out what to do and why things are this way, and "blah, blah, blah."  When something reminds me of God again, whether it is someone else's statement of faith, a sneeze (which brings to mind "God blesses you") or my next faith experience - I'm very quickly "righted" like a partially capsized boat, and brought back to center.  Then I can relate to God and draw upon my faith in dealing with the situation at hand.

Some years ago I came to understand why I have this affliction.  The greatest crisis of my life occurred when I was 11 and my mother died.  I had not been raised with faith and had no particular conception of God.  I think this is true for most children and their childhood crises even when they are raised in a church.   So I had no where to turn - just lost in my pain and fear.   So even now as I feel pain and fear I return to this state where I do not know God.  I thought realizing that would help me not go into "God Who?" mode but it did not help.

I have spend a lot of time sort of beating myself up about this, wondering why I cannot stay in a state of remembering God and trying to figure out how I could not fall out of knowing.   A few years ago I had the helpful realization that throughout time humanity has struggled with this.  This I think is part of the meaning of the story of the Garden of Eden and the fall - we fall out of that wonderful place that we dwell with God (in that case through pride or shame - I imagine different emotions can take different people out of a state of unity with God.)  I realized that this is the human spiritual condition and the reason for the practices of so many religions -to bring us back to a state of awareness and connection to God.   So I decided then that when I noticed with dismay that I was out of connect that instead of judging or berating myself I would simply notice that it was the first step of my returning to God.  That has helped it to be less painful- I don't think it has decreased its frequency.

For a while I was trying a practice of spiritual journaling as a way to try to not "forget" God.  But what I found was that when in a state of anger or fear I did not want to write in the journal because I tended to just write about what was making me feel that way and the feelings.  So I have now decided to try a new path - it is the path of regular contact with spiritual inspiration.  I have resolved to do some spiritual reading each day as a way to connect with God regardless of my emotional state.

What is your experience with God Who?

Why God Why?

Recently at my place of worship we had a worship sharing for the adults.  What this usually means is that there are queries (questions which have no correct answer that are philosophical in nature) which we examine together and share with each other the answers we each find.   So usually the group is given the questions.  But the topic was "Why God, why?"  addressing the angst we all feel at times in our spiritual life, the puzzlement, frustration and confusion we have about why God is apparently the way God appears to us, why religion says God is a certain way, or why we cannot seem to get on the same page with God.  So this time instead of doing things the way we usually do people were given slips of paper and invited to write their "why God Why?" questions down to preserve anonymity.  People wrote them down they went into a bowl and were ceremoniously read.

The questions were, not surprisingly, the same ones that theologians and philosophers have asked throughout the ages.
Why does god allow suffering?
Why is there so much violence and war?
Why do I not have enough time to do all the things that you have asked me to do?
Why do I attract people to me who seem to bring suffering?
How do I know what you want me to do with my life?
How should I respond to the suffering that I see around me?  Why am I fortunate?
Why are there things that seem to remain in mystery not for us to know?
What happens when we die?

Long ago I lead a workshop called: Patchwork Faith.  The idea of it was the recognition that those who live a spiritual path but do not just embrace the theology of a given church must work out for themselves all these kinds of theological questions and that the answers we find our often a patchwork of faith beliefs.  In the coming year I will be taking some of these questions and writing about them.

I invite you to send the questions that pull at you.  I invite you to send the answers that you have found.

My apologies to my readers that I was quiet so many months on this blog.  I got very caught up in matters of the Occupation Movement and also my family.  My intention for next year is to return to monthly postings.