As I have previously written about (See: God Who 1/12 post)
I can frequently go into a “God Who?” state. This is not a state where I doubt
the existence of God but rather where I forget The Holy One. Simply drop into the World and forget that
I’m divinely connected to a Higher Power.
What I have also learned after decades of struggling with this is that
fear is the surest path into this God who? state.
I was in a relationship that God lead me into and yet when
the going got hard I got so scared that I went into the “God who? state” which
eventually lead to its end. I am pleased
that at least in the beginning I did a better job of staying connected with the
divine. In one conflict, meeting my
partner’s self-righteous anger, I felt defensive and also angry. However, when the next day we went to sit in
silent meditation I remembered in that silence that the position my partner had
argued for was one I had been lead to many years ago and in fact reflected the
Truth as I knew it. It was a series of
life events, accommodations to life struggles, that had taken me in another
direction. I realized that while my
partner’s anger was agitating me that he was in fact calling me back to the
Truth as I had found it, and with that clarity I was able to easily change my
behavior. In this incident I did not
feel the fear of loosing our relationship and so I was not derailed from
listening to and hearing the Holy One’s voice.
In the previous post I talked about how the Story of the
Garden of Eden has also something to say about the state of forgetting
God. I’m not a bible fan, but certain
stories are powerful allegories, and the story of Adam and Eve is such a
story. It is story of being in a
seemingly perfect place, much like love is when we first fall in love. As anyone who has ever been in love will tell
you, as well as quite a bit of research, we sadly cannot stay in that rosy
colored classes, oxytocin induced state forever. Eventually, we come in contact with knowledge
that makes us see the world/ our partner as they really are, to come in touch
with the difficult places. However,
there is more than one possibility at that point. There is the exile from Eden or there is the learning of how to
navigate love inside of reality, the learning of the lessons The Teacher would
have us learn at that point. But that
does require remembering that there is a Teacher and being attuned to that
Teacher. Adam and Eve forgot God, and so
they did not receive his guidance but the false guidance of the serpent instead
and thus were exiled from Eden .
For myself fear is a sure way to forget God and once the
fear of the relationship breaking up hits I go into that frozen fear
state. As I did when I was a scared
child I try to think my way out of the problem, I take actions or desperately
demand actions out of others. Both of
these are out of the head and not out of the Spirit. In Adam and Eve terms they are listening to
the Serpent rather than the Creator of the Garden. Unfortunately, when I’m in that scared frozen
place nothing seems to help, not being at the Ocean – normally a sure path to
the Holy, not sitting in prayer asking for answers…only sometimes can the
message be delivered to me through others.
And of course it does not help if both me and my partner are in a state of
fear for no Light can come thru either of us in this state.
