Sitting at The River of God

In my last post, I mentioned Michael Singer's book The Untethered Soul -- how good he is at bringing Eastern ideas of meditation or mindfulness to our Western minds.  In the first two chapters of the book, Singer patiently explains how there is a constant stream of noise going on in our mind. In fact in the second chapter he, to my amusement, refers to "the roommate" - the voice that is always talking to us.  He invites us to really observe that voice by imagining it as a roommate who sits on a coach, and to listen to what is it saying to you?  I have previously been taught by meditation instructors to watch my thoughts, to label them "thought" and return to breathing. This frankly seemed like an endless, pointless, and not very useful process of noticing that as I am still breathing and thus also still thinking. But Singer engaged my curiosity about noticing "but what am I thinking?"

As a therapist I am aware from the different avenue of Internal Family Systems Theory (a modality which I practice) that we all have "parts" within us: a very effective project manager, a wounded child part, a nurturing parent part, etc, etc, and that these parts are not always in accord. (Yes this is not the same as someone having the diagnosis of multiple personality disorder.)  In fact the most common reason why my clients can get stuck is two parts inside them are at war, literally, with each other.  Singer invites us when we are upset to notice "who is upset?"  (He would argue that none of our parts are our true self.  IFS would argue that all of our parts are our true self, but that we function best when the parts work in concert rather than randomly and independently).  IFS would suggest that when we can notice which part is upset that we need to step into an observing part and learn to speak for a part, not from it.   An example of this would be the difference between speaking from a hurt child part and saying to a spouse:  "I hate you" vs speaking for that hurt child and saying "When you ignore me I feel hurt and unloved, and it makes me angry with you."

Interestingly, Singer also suggests we go into an observing part, and that from that place we can release being in the drama of that part.  Singer says: 

"The process of seeing something requires a subject-object relationship.  The subject is called "the Witness" because it is the one who sees what's happening.  The object is what you are seeing, in this case the inner disturbance.  The act of maintaining objective awareness of the inner problem is always better than losing yourself in the outer situation.   This is the essential difference between a spiritually minded person and a worldly person."

His reference to the spiritually minded person and the worldly person is interesting to me in how often Christianity makes the distinction between God's kingdom and worldly kingdoms - or the powers and principalities.

He goes on to say:  "There's a separation between you and the anger or the jealousy (or substitute any emotion here.)  You are the one who's in there noticing these things.  Once you take the seat of consciousness, you can get rid of these personal disturbances.  You start by watching."

As my friend, Scott Gaul, has mentioned this seat of the consciousness or this witness, is not just a place in the brain, it is actually the place of our soul.   Think of that: your soul is observing your life.  Sometimes very passively without you having any real awareness of it, and sometimes like in meditation very distinctly so.

I have written elsewhere about my own experience of what I call "the river of God".   This for me is an experience of going out to a wide lens shot, of sitting on the river bank of humanity, and looking at the teeming masses, the abundance of nature, the dramas of human life: birth, coming of age, marriage, illness, striving, conflict, love, and death as God views it.  Being quite and observing it all.  Not from judgment, not from intervention, but as witness to the eternal aspects of life itself.   From this vantage point I can let go of my own knot of emotion, my own 'caughtness' in the dramas of this hour, this day or this year.  Things drop into perspective - they may still be "issues", but no longer ones that grip me by the throat.  For in fact with a wide enough lens we realize that all issues are temporary - even those which are life and death - are life and death of this one life time.  When I can remember to do it (and that is the catch to all mindfulness) it is a reliable way for me to enter into my observer part, or to my soul sitting in the lap of the divine to watch life itself unfold.

Knowing how profound and how comforting that experience of being in the witness position is, has brought me full circle from the part of me fairly disinterested in the encouragements to watch my thoughts and label them "thought" to an appreciation of the power and groundedness of stepping out of my thoughts and emotions, to observing them.

Radical Acceptance: A book review

Book review of Radical Acceptance: Embracing your Life with the Heart of  a Buddha by Tara Brach

In Chapter 6 the Radical Acceptance of Desire Tara Brach says: "When I was first introduced to Buddhism in a high school world studies class, I dismissed it out of hand.  It seemed irrelevant to my life - grim in its concern about attachment and, apparently, anti-pleasure.  Sure, maybe we all suffer, but why dwell on it?" (p. 128)  Tara's first reaction to Buddhism very succinctly summarizes my own first reaction to Buddhism.  However,having known a number of Buddhist in my adult life and in the last decade beginning to learn about Buddhism, I like Tara, have come to understand what a superficial and incorrect first impression of Buddhism that was/is.  As she later says:  "The Buddha expressed this in the first Noble Truth: 'Existence is inherently dissatisfying'.  When I first heard this teaching in high school in its most common translation as 'life is suffering,' I of course thought it meant life is nothing more than misery and anguish.  But the Buddha's understanding of suffering was subtler and more profound.  We are uncomfortable because everything in our life keeps changing - our inner moods, our bodies, our work, the people we love, the world we live in.  We can't hold on to anything - a beautiful sunset, a sweet taste, ...because all things come and go." (P. 133)

I do recommend Radical Acceptance because so far of the works written about Buddhism which I have read it makes it the most accessible to a western mind.  It is helpful that the examples are all of clients and retreat participants, other clueless westerns like myself, rather than ancient, venerable Eastern monks, who while very wise are completely unlike me.  As a therapist myself I believe all people are either shame base or guilt based (dependent entirely upon your parents style of discipline as you grew up.)  Generally we do not understand the other frame of mind.  Tara's writing is very much to those who are shame based - as someone whose not, I did have to do some translation of those parts.   For those who are shame based and western, this book will speak deeply to your soul.

I appreciate how her different twist on traditional Buddhist teachings which I have encountered else where made them more accessible to me.  For example, in her third chapter - the Sacred Pause: Resting under the Bodhi Tree she talks about paying attention to the pause between the in breath and the out breath.  All other instruction I've had on breathing as part of meditation have said to focus on in- and then out-  which either board me, or got me too hyper focused as to unrelax my breathing and actually hyperventilate.  Throughout this chapter she also weaves in a wonderful narrative about living with a pause between action and inaction - the pause of reflection... which for me somehow finally brought home the point of the whole thing.

The chapter on Radical Acceptance of Desire - also stands on its head the misinterpretation of Buddhism ( or spirituality) as a rejection of desire (and/or sexuality.)  And instead talks about being mindfully aware of our desires as they arise.  Instead of judging, rejecting or feeling them - being relaxedly aware of them, conscious of when we do - or don't act on them.  Tara points out the great energy that makes up desire and says that when not fighting it or surrendering to it that desire is the source of great energy and drive within us which when joined with spirituality can move one in profound ways.

As someone who knows that fear is the thing which most quickly and reliably takes me out or relationship with God I also appreciated chapter 7: Opening our Hearts in the Face of Fear.  Here she takes the concept of taking refuge in the Buddha (another concept until then meaningless to me) and transforms this in a very meaningful way as a spiritual practice in the face of fear - of "taking refuge in the truth of who we are".  The very words are grounding to me - causing me to breath out - releasing the fear, returning to my truth self.   "Our fear is great, but greater still is truth of our contentedness" she quotes the Buddha as saying.

Throughout her book, and especially in Chapter 10 on forgiveness, she reminds us again and again of our contentedness to all sentient beings and our own basic goodness.  Such a message is either utterly new for some readers - or a balm to the soul for other readers.  Forgiveness is something that most people I know struggle with - whether it is of self or of other.  Tara points out how closely tied these two efforts really are.  While I have previously learned the spiritual practice of the meditation of loving kindness -she ties this in a new way to the practice of forgiveness.

I had started a new prayer practice during the time I was reading this book so I'm not sure which caused a significant deepening for me spirituality but I recommend this book as a good entry into the New Year!