I have previously reviewed the Untethered Soul by MichaelSinger. Singer throughout the book
invites us to notice the ways we avoid our own pain. In one chapter he talks about what if you had
a thorn in your body that you orchestrated all of your efforts to not have
touch anything so you would not feel the pain.
In another chapter he talks about the way dogs can be put on a collar
that when they reach an invisible boundary will shock them (mildly) so that
they don’t try to go there any more. He
says that this is how we live…not going towards activities that cause us
discomfort. He continues, that all of
our efforts to control the events in our lives is again an attempt to avoid
certain feelings.
As a therapist I know that when people have PTSD that they
will avoid activities, places, and emotions that remind them of their
trauma. But the thing is, as Singer
points out, we are all this way. We
don’t want to do things that embarrass us or might make us look bad, or just
simply bring up emotions that we find uncomfortable. I think with pride of my daughter who has
never developed much a bicycle habit and deliberately is choosing to take the
challenge of trying to do much more riding with her boyfriend who is a very
active cyclist. Most people finding themselves
not skilled at something, in the company of someone more experienced than they
will shrink back. She also must face
painful memories of how her father acted as she learned to ride, and other
traumas. But she is determined. As has frequently been the case in her life
she is an inspiration to me because I know I have avoided physical activities
that I did not feel that I was good at.
Singer says: “Spirituality begins when you decide that
you’ll never stop trying. Spirituality
is the commitment to go beyond, no matter what it takes.” He describes being mindfully aware when you
encounter your discomfort, recognizing it as your “edge”…your self imposed
limit to your own cage. And then he says
you deliberately go beyond so you are not controlled by fear or your own
suffering. I have previously written
about Tara Brach’s teaching around facing our fears. What a crazy notion right? Going right
towards our fears, not being controlled by our fears.
I see now that I have been avoiding something…perhaps for
years, maybe for a life time. In the
past month I have paid a price both monetarily and in hassle because I did not
want to face this something. But
eventually my own grasping efforts to avoid it ran out and there I was. And you know what is funny? It was not bad, in fact it brought me into
deep connection with my own soul. I
also look back at the memories and feelings I thought it would bring flooding
up, and they are there but I realize “hmm they are sort of photos of a not very
good day.” They simply don’t have the
power they did when I was experiencing them originally.
What are you afraid of?
What might you have to feel if you went towards that which you are
afraid of? And what might happen on the
other side of that fear?
