Facing Pain: The Spiritual journey

I have previously reviewed the Untethered Soul by MichaelSinger.  Singer throughout the book invites us to notice the ways we avoid our own pain.  In one chapter he talks about what if you had a thorn in your body that you orchestrated all of your efforts to not have touch anything so you would not feel the pain.   In another chapter he talks about the way dogs can be put on a collar that when they reach an invisible boundary will shock them (mildly) so that they don’t try to go there any more.  He says that this is how we live…not going towards activities that cause us discomfort.  He continues, that all of our efforts to control the events in our lives is again an attempt to avoid certain feelings.

As a therapist I know that when people have PTSD that they will avoid activities, places, and emotions that remind them of their trauma.  But the thing is, as Singer points out, we are all this way.   We don’t want to do things that embarrass us or might make us look bad, or just simply bring up emotions that we find uncomfortable.  I think with pride of my daughter who has never developed much a bicycle habit and deliberately is choosing to take the challenge of trying to do much more riding with her boyfriend who is a very active cyclist.   Most people finding themselves not skilled at something, in the company of someone more experienced than they will shrink back.   She also must face painful memories of how her father acted as she learned to ride, and other traumas.  But she is determined.  As has frequently been the case in her life she is an inspiration to me because I know I have avoided physical activities that I did not feel that I was good at.

Singer says: “Spirituality begins when you decide that you’ll never stop trying.  Spirituality is the commitment to go beyond, no matter what it takes.”  He describes being mindfully aware when you encounter your discomfort, recognizing it as your “edge”…your self imposed limit to your own cage.  And then he says you deliberately go beyond so you are not controlled by fear or your own suffering.  I have previously written about Tara Brach’s teaching around facing our fears.   What a crazy notion right? Going right towards our fears, not being controlled by our fears.

I see now that I have been avoiding something…perhaps for years, maybe for a life time.  In the past month I have paid a price both monetarily and in hassle because I did not want to face this something.  But eventually my own grasping efforts to avoid it ran out and there I was.   And you know what is funny?  It was not bad, in fact it brought me into deep connection with my own soul.   I also look back at the memories and feelings I thought it would bring flooding up, and they are there but I realize “hmm they are sort of photos of a not very good day.”  They simply don’t have the power they did when I was experiencing them originally.

What are you afraid of?  What might you have to feel if you went towards that which you are afraid of?  And what might happen on the other side of that fear?