Samskara

I have been reading the book The Untethered Soul by Michael Singer.  Singer explains aspects of meditation in very Western ways, thus making it very accessible to the Western mind.  In the book he explains the Sanskrit word Samskara in the following way:” a Samskara is a blockage, an impression from the past.  It’s an unfinished energy pattern that winds up running your life.”  As a therapist this fascinates me because I know that when someone goes through trauma they wind up with PTSD.   I would describe PTSD much the way Singer describes the trapped energy of Samskara “When a Samskara is stimulated, it opens like a flower and begins to release the stored energy.  Suddenly, flashes of what you experienced when the original event took place rush into your consciousness – the thoughts, the feelings, sometimes even the smells and other sensory input.  The Samskara can store a complete snapshot of the event.”  This is exactly how I would describe PTSD, (minus the flower opening – way to beautiful a description for a PTSD flashback which is usually very painful.) 

 In the therapy community it is usually acknowledged that there is big T trauma (near death or annihilation of self experiences) , but that all of us have small t experiences: experiences of loss, humiliation, fear, hurt that we also carry inside us.  EMDR (Eye Movement, Desensitization and Reprocessing) is considered the treatment of choice for PTSD.   It is a process that through bi-lateral stimulation (rapid eye movement right and left, or tapping right then left side of body rapidly) while focusing on the trauma memories creates a brain state that allows the person to re-evaluate the stored painful memory and release the negative conclusions and patterns that have been accumulated over it.  Singer describes how through mindfulness one can watch our energy, can watch how certain stimulate trigger old memories and feelings (Samskara) and rather than blocking off to that which is arising one can simply notice and release it.

This all related in an interesting way to a spiritual issue for me.   My ex-husband was a pathological liar and an alcoholic.  As a result much drama and painful experiences took place, especially involving ways he brought our young daughter in to his dramas.  I worked over and over to forgive him because I did not wish to carry anger or pain with me (or Samskara would be a better way to explain it).  But every time I did a new incident would occur.  I eventually felt he had created spiritual damage to me.  (I did not have words for it, but it was Samskara; I was aware that I was less trusting and less open hearted and I was sad about that.)  I have watched my daughter grow into an open hearted person and felt fear for her as to what injuries she was leaving herself open to.

As I sat reflecting upon all this, trying to see how to open my heart and release these hurts and noticing my own resistance, I watched the familiar litany of complaints against him; the unalienable sense I had arrived at 25 years after knowing him that I simply could not even interact with him any more because it was so toxic.  But this time I tried to just “observe it all” just notice it all.   Suddenly I noticed with my now adult and completely amazing daughter sitting beside me that one of the greatest experiences of my life has been being her mother.   I realized that without him in my life I would never have had this experience or have know this amazing soul!  I realized that I had closed off the energy, held the hurt because my relationship with him had started (like all do) in beauty and hope with a promise of a great witness to all around us about redemption, and then it felt as if he had betrayed all that promise in trade for a bottle of alcohol.  It felt like the limb I had gone out on in marrying him (risking the disapproval, judgement and rejection of all kinds of people) had simply snapped off.   I realized that it was my own attachment to the picture of what I thought my marriage would be, and subsequent stubborn refusal to re-evaluate it for anything other than him “ruining” what it was suppose to be, that had kept me from noticing what the event really was: the introduction of a great blessing into my life – my daughter.

I reflected as well on earlier Samskara from earlier in my childhood which also set me up to push against life’s hardships rather than soften, observe them, notice their gifts, remain unattached to them, etc.   So the spiritual problem of forgiveness which I have struggled with for years, turns out to be more about staying open to the moment, releasing my preconceptions or expectations, being willing to discover what life is really presenting me, not what I ordered up or wished for.

Radical Acceptance: A book review

Book review of Radical Acceptance: Embracing your Life with the Heart of  a Buddha by Tara Brach

In Chapter 6 the Radical Acceptance of Desire Tara Brach says: "When I was first introduced to Buddhism in a high school world studies class, I dismissed it out of hand.  It seemed irrelevant to my life - grim in its concern about attachment and, apparently, anti-pleasure.  Sure, maybe we all suffer, but why dwell on it?" (p. 128)  Tara's first reaction to Buddhism very succinctly summarizes my own first reaction to Buddhism.  However,having known a number of Buddhist in my adult life and in the last decade beginning to learn about Buddhism, I like Tara, have come to understand what a superficial and incorrect first impression of Buddhism that was/is.  As she later says:  "The Buddha expressed this in the first Noble Truth: 'Existence is inherently dissatisfying'.  When I first heard this teaching in high school in its most common translation as 'life is suffering,' I of course thought it meant life is nothing more than misery and anguish.  But the Buddha's understanding of suffering was subtler and more profound.  We are uncomfortable because everything in our life keeps changing - our inner moods, our bodies, our work, the people we love, the world we live in.  We can't hold on to anything - a beautiful sunset, a sweet taste, ...because all things come and go." (P. 133)

I do recommend Radical Acceptance because so far of the works written about Buddhism which I have read it makes it the most accessible to a western mind.  It is helpful that the examples are all of clients and retreat participants, other clueless westerns like myself, rather than ancient, venerable Eastern monks, who while very wise are completely unlike me.  As a therapist myself I believe all people are either shame base or guilt based (dependent entirely upon your parents style of discipline as you grew up.)  Generally we do not understand the other frame of mind.  Tara's writing is very much to those who are shame based - as someone whose not, I did have to do some translation of those parts.   For those who are shame based and western, this book will speak deeply to your soul.

I appreciate how her different twist on traditional Buddhist teachings which I have encountered else where made them more accessible to me.  For example, in her third chapter - the Sacred Pause: Resting under the Bodhi Tree she talks about paying attention to the pause between the in breath and the out breath.  All other instruction I've had on breathing as part of meditation have said to focus on in- and then out-  which either board me, or got me too hyper focused as to unrelax my breathing and actually hyperventilate.  Throughout this chapter she also weaves in a wonderful narrative about living with a pause between action and inaction - the pause of reflection... which for me somehow finally brought home the point of the whole thing.

The chapter on Radical Acceptance of Desire - also stands on its head the misinterpretation of Buddhism ( or spirituality) as a rejection of desire (and/or sexuality.)  And instead talks about being mindfully aware of our desires as they arise.  Instead of judging, rejecting or feeling them - being relaxedly aware of them, conscious of when we do - or don't act on them.  Tara points out the great energy that makes up desire and says that when not fighting it or surrendering to it that desire is the source of great energy and drive within us which when joined with spirituality can move one in profound ways.

As someone who knows that fear is the thing which most quickly and reliably takes me out or relationship with God I also appreciated chapter 7: Opening our Hearts in the Face of Fear.  Here she takes the concept of taking refuge in the Buddha (another concept until then meaningless to me) and transforms this in a very meaningful way as a spiritual practice in the face of fear - of "taking refuge in the truth of who we are".  The very words are grounding to me - causing me to breath out - releasing the fear, returning to my truth self.   "Our fear is great, but greater still is truth of our contentedness" she quotes the Buddha as saying.

Throughout her book, and especially in Chapter 10 on forgiveness, she reminds us again and again of our contentedness to all sentient beings and our own basic goodness.  Such a message is either utterly new for some readers - or a balm to the soul for other readers.  Forgiveness is something that most people I know struggle with - whether it is of self or of other.  Tara points out how closely tied these two efforts really are.  While I have previously learned the spiritual practice of the meditation of loving kindness -she ties this in a new way to the practice of forgiveness.

I had started a new prayer practice during the time I was reading this book so I'm not sure which caused a significant deepening for me spirituality but I recommend this book as a good entry into the New Year!