What does Your Soul have to Tell You?

The title would almost seem to imply that we are sitting having a conversation with our soul which is not what I mean.  However, if the soul is God within, this at minimum suggests a different path to hearing God.  Sometimes I have the experience, described elsewhere, of sitting on the banks of the River of God.  This is the experience for me of listening to my soul and its connection to eternal time, and all the rushes of humanity thru all time, humans grasping for survival, growth and joy.  It is a profound experience when I can sit on the banks of the River of God.  Usually I am dropped into this by some sort of reflective experience that connects me to a sense of the eternal human struggle: big crowds in timeless cities, some reminder of the various ways humans have gone about some basic task, or the timelessness of human rituals of love, childrearing, and death, or some reminder of the universality of human traits/behaviors across cultures and eras.  Sometimes I can get on the banks of the River of God from simply sitting quietly and alone somewhere where I can hear the indistinguishable sound of human voices at a distance: not close enough to make out words or even emotion, but just the babbling brook of human existence.

And if one believes in reincarnation the soul also holds the life wisdom of many lifetimes and so therefore holds the greatest truth we know.  Those who believe in reincarnation will say that some of the things the soul remembers are things like how we died, accounting for "irrational" fears of heights, water, things around the neck, etc.   But for the soul to serve us well it must remember more than what it fears, it must also bring us towards other familiar souls with a willingness to do it differently, to do it better than last time.   And it must bring us to this life with a goal and a purpose.  

If you believe in karma not as punishment for past failings, but as an attempt to live more wisely than last time, then the soul can come with a goal.  Examples of this: I remember dying in two different war;, I came to this life not only born to two pacifists (too guarantee my own intended path?) but with a determination to work for peace and disarmament.  I know someone who says she knew as a child she would be in a life threatening car accident...which she indeed was suffering a severe life altering brain injury.   She says she came to learn about power, and about the not-wielding of external worldly power but rather of self-directed power.  Another person I know has been chronically ill for several decades; she has struggled against not being able to "do" things in the world but finally realized she's been left with one always present endeavor: the focus on her spiritual life.   She realized with some surprise that if she had come to focus on the spiritual life she could not have set the table more perfectly.

If you think also of what it is like when you act in accord with your conscience, when you take action for what you deeply within you know to be right, even at great cost....this I think is also listening to what our soul has to tell us.  I have known many people in my life who were called to acts of civil disobedience, as have I been.  Quite commonly is the holding of the question: should I do this? and some spirit filled experience of answer - some inward prompting which will not quit.   This I think is the soul speaking to us, of the Truth it knows, as well as about our life's purpose.  This is an aligning of our outer actions with our inner knowing.

Choosing Our Parents

In my twenties I first read Illusions by Richard Bach.  In it he says: "Every problem has its gift" and other pieces of wisdom that suggest we are in charge of our own life experience, not passive victims to it.  I recall taking the worst event of my life and saying:  "Ok what is the gift of that?"  And strangely I could see it, and I could feel it shifting something that had lived in me as a sort of “victim oh poor me” story.  Something in this same exploration suggested to me that we in fact choose our parents.  About 7 years ago I finally read the Celestine Prophesy.   In this spiritual novel he also suggests that we choose our parents; and in fact he suggests we come to earth with a spiritual purpose and that the parents we choose provide certain lessons, for good or for bad, which help shape us for that spiritual purpose.  He calls this our “evolutionary question” and says we each have one.  He somewhat lays out a method for figuring it out (which I have further developed and have done with numerous friends.)  In the last few years in reading various books by Neale Donald Walsch and then most recently Inspiration by Wayne Dyer this idea has again been repeated that we choose our parents.  (This belief does fit best if you believe in reincarnation and karma.) 

In a previous post: God the Father/God the Mother, I talk about the idea that our concepts of God are often powerfully shaped by how we experience our "all powerful" parents during our childhoods.  These two ideas seem to go hand in glove: that we choose parents that provide a certain spiritual (or not) experience that then shapes our spirituality and the tools and concepts with which we pursue our spiritual task on earth.  This has powerful implications for both how we relate to our parents and our experiences with them, but also for those of us who are parents, how we parent.  Do you see your child as a soul that you have a sacred trust with?  Do you nurture not just their body, mind and emotions, but also their spiritual nature or their soul? 

What are the healing potentials with your parents (alive or dead) if you consider that you actually chose them?  For someone who was treated abusively or hatefully by a parent this may seem a fairly repugnant and nonsensical statement...at first glance.  But keep looking.  I think for example of a friend of mine who was beaten by his father during his childhood.   He says it taught him to question authority and to be strong and to be centered in his own internal sense of truth.  He has been an activist throughout his life and this has served him well.  I think of another person whose parents were not religious at all, but has a deep love of beauty, and how that prepared her to create art which has been a path to mysticism.

For myself, despite believing that we choose our parents, I have been mystified for decades trying to understand why I would choose a mother, a good mother, who would die during my childhood?  It has finally come to me in doing Joanna Macy's Work that Reconnects, that I have learned how to be present to grief and loss unflinchingly and unwaveringly....and that in this time of so much loss on this planet, that those of us who fight for peace and for justice must be able to be present to the pain of the world.  As Joanna says:  "Be willing to have your heart be broken open to the pain of the world; it is what your heart was created for...to connect you to life." So I commend to you the question:  Why did I choose my parents?  How have they, for better or for worse, prepared me for my spiritual purpose in life?

Why is There Evil?

"Why is there evil?"  this is a question a client asked me recently, but is also I think one of the most common spiritual or theological questions throughout the ages.  (Right along side of why do we die?)  Various religions answer this differently - because of original sin, because of free choice, because of the devil, as a karmic punishment, because the nature of life is suffering, etc.  Some find one of those answers to be a satisfying answer; most of us I think do not.  For those of patchwork faith (those who construct their own theology as they seek truth where ever they find it) this question does engage a  lot of other questions - like what is the nature of God?  How powerful is God? Is there sin?  Do we have free choice or live predestined lives?  Is there Karma?  Do we reincarnate?

Part of the purpose of this blog is to ask you to engage deeply with all of those questions.  And I will try humbly to answer here the question as I understand it.

I do believe in free will.  If there was not free will we would live lives of fate and predestined outcomes.  So we are free to choose what we do, whether it is good or bad.  Most of us unless very psychologically damaged have consciences, so one psychological answer is: damage results in more damage.  Violence and oppression become passed on. Statistics are pretty clear that those who were sexually abused often become perpetrators; those who experienced domestic violence growing up are at higher risk to act out violently.  

But freewill certainly does not explain things like Enron or Hitler.  The example of Nazi Germany certainly gives us the example of ordinary people in mass numbers doing terrible things.  We see the impact of a whole culture of propaganda, education, youth groups, and societal pressure and punishments creating a cultural normal that did evil things.  A less intense but still powerful example of societal norms supporting evil is slavery in the US or I would argue environmental destruction in our current age.

But even these psychological or sociologic explanations do not account for why between two victims in a family where sexual abuse happens, one goes out and becomes abusive, and the other does not.  Nor does it account for how people in torture centers come up with the things they do.  It also does not address the disturbing answer to the other side of the coin - why do some people become the victims?  It cannot be as easily answered as "in the wrong place at the wrong time"  Yes sometimes, but why are children born with AIDS or drug addiction.   Then we might ask how does a just Creator allow such suffering?

I do not believe God can both grant free will and be all powerful.  So in granting us freewill this means God grants us the power to intentionally or unintentionally cause harm to other human beings, and the power to deny what God might want for us.  Some people are simply there at the wrong moment.  But I also do believe in reincarnation, so I believe we all choose the lives and circumstances we are born into to maximize the growth intentions of this life time.  Which is to say when we live many lifetimes, we do not and cannot learn all there is to learn in just one lifetime.  Just like the learning within one life, some of our early choices effect  or limit the choices available or logical to follow later. 

This is perhaps another way of talking about Karma.  I believe young souls learn elemental lessons about violence, love, trust, truth...which is why as a society we have a lot of struggles in those areas.  But from those lessons we choose more complicated situations, or sometimes opposite situations in order to learn the lessons we need to learn.  Thus two souls in similar circumstances may make quite different choices. So having perpetrated violence in one lifetime we may choose a life where we will be a victim of violence as a way of learning about all sides of violence.  Some people call that Karma.

So back to why would a child be born with AIDS or drug addiction?  I do not believe Karma is a punishment but simply a learning opportunity.  So if one needed to learn about dependency, about meaning based not on accomplishments, about addiction itself, about the overcoming of addiction, etc  all of these are reasons one could choose such a life.

It is still hard to understand why one might be born into famine and starvation: what learning could come of this, or to die in a death camp?  Several writers I have read suggest that in order for us to see Light that we must have the contrast of dark.  They suggest that God allows for our bad choices as contrast that leads to learning for good choices.  These same writers suggest that some souls choose lives of suffering or victimhood as a sacrifice and a contribution to the collective human consciousness and learning.  These writers suggest that the Holocaust and the several genocides since then in Africa and Bosnia are occasions that have laid bare to the world the horror of scapegoating a whole ethnic group, of doing enemy think on such a massive level, of the reign of terror of one group of people turned on another.  Given that the word Hitler is almost a synonym for evil in our culture, it does serve as a powerful symbol in our collective consciousness.  Yes much better that we would have learned the lesson on a permanent level, but there were still souls who did not learn that lesson by the conclusion of WWII or people whose lives were so wholly focused on other lessons during that time (or souls not on earth then) that there were still souls needing to learn that lesson in Darfur, etc. 

Does humanity make any progress or do we just go round in circles?  There is far less child abuse on the planet that 200 years ago, in many cultures it now so widely condemned that it must be hidden.   Studies show that there is less wars being fought right now than ever before in history proportionate to the population.  Slavery while not abolished is also far less prevalent and universally condemned as a "bad" thing.  So it does seem as Martin Luther King, Jr. said that "the arc of history is long and bends towards justice."  Our souls are linked not just in this lifetime to a web of Friends and family, but also through many lifetimes to a collective shared experience and a slow but steady learning curve.

This also suggests to me that how we respond to the suffering or evil that falls over our own life is incredibly important, both for ourselves and for the collective consciousness.   I once watched on tv the sentencing for the Green River Killer, a serial murderer in the State of WA.  Family members were all getting a chance to make a statement to him before his sentencing.  Some were full of anger, condemnation and hatred.  A very few offered him forgiveness.  Most tragic to me was a woman who blamed him for every wrong that had befallen her since the murder of a family member, including her husband getting Alzheimer’s!  What a convenient scapegoat he was for her, and yet she was full of bitterness and misery.  By contrast the man who testified to his faith and that God had given him the power to forgive as Jesus forgives us, had clearly much more peace and also happiness while still clearly loving and missing his deceased daughter.  If we are here to learn, than how we respond to evil either means we learn from the lesson handed us, or tragically we fail to learn, and may dance with that particular evil many more times while trying to learn its lessons.

Have you lived before?

Most people find the question of reincarnation quite fascinating.  There are whole religions like Buddhism and Hinduism that believe in reincarnation as part of their theology.  Christianity does not believing that the afterlife is in Heaven.  Judaism believes that this life is the whole ball game.  The ancient Egyptians of course had very elaborate beliefs and rituals surrounding the belief in reincarnation.  Even though this is a Christian nation which would suggest that the general public does not believe in reincarnation, a 2009 Pew polls showed 24% of Americans do believe in reincarnation.

Why do some people believe in this?  I think reasons range from remembering past lives, the hope to be with loved ones again in another time, to some logic of seeing how nature recycles all atoms in some sort of way and feeling this is the way nature works.   Like most beliefs I encourage people who "don't know" to try this on for an hour or two or a day and see - what does it make sense of if it is true?  How does it sit with you if it is true.

Here is a summery of some things I see that it sheds light on if true:
If we live more than one life clearly there is a learning cycle that is longer than a life time.  This seems to imply that the soul which takes more than one body over time, does retain some memory - if not of a life at least of its lessons.  This to me also helps explain the evolution of humanity over time - a shared memory, not just passed down generationally, but in our shared soul.

It has important implications for morality.  If we are to live repeatedly than the mistakes, or "sins" or evils we do have implications for our future live(s).  I have heard this explained in at least two different ways:1) that as a punishment for actions in a past life we are born into circumstances that will punish us (a Hindu belief taken out to justify a caste system.)  This then theoretically also explains why people suffer - although in a way that to western eyes looks like a blame the victim position. 

The 2nd explanation is that we "choose" our next life as part of a past life review done "on the other side".  Included in this idea is the sense that we arrive at some place of deeper wisdom, compassion and insight while united with the Light/God and that from that place of wisdom we choose the circumstances that will help us learn what we still need to learn or accomplish what we still need to do.  (Some versions say we can see everything about the life we will live, other versions say we will see only the circumstances of our birth- parents, relatives, soci-economic status, country, environment, etc. and thus sort of take our "best shot" at getting the right set up for our spiritual goals.)  As a therapist I know it can be quite "activating" for people to look at the idea that they chose their parents ("those SOBs!  No Way I'm not a masochist!")  But I find even in very abusive situations people are able to see lessons they learned, ways they were shaped that now serve them, or strange silver linings in the hand they feel they were dealt. (or chose?)  In some cases it is actually amazingly freeing and healing to let go of a victim posture and embrace one's whole life, all of it as deliberate and meaningful.  This second position also goes a way towards explaining suffering, but differently - as part of the classroom where we learn.  And here I want to be clear that I do not assume that learning always occurs by positive instruction.  If we burn our hand in a fire we also learn something.

So pick one that makes sense to you - so you got here in this life via that means....then what.  If you are living many lives than the question of karma becomes newly meaningful.  If you treat a sibling or spouse meanly or wrongly how does that show up in another life.   I would imagine one unkind act has no real impact....but a lifetime - yep you got karma.  One set of beliefs says we will pay in another life time but maybe not with that person but just with a similar situation.  Another set of beliefs says we will be in lifetime after life time with that person (sometimes switching roles) till we "get it right"".   It would seem to me that in either case to treat a spouse abusively either risks a life time in which one will be treated abusively by a spouse or like the movie ground hog day has us in "take" after "take" in a marriage with the chance to be abusive or not....  Either way in my mind the efficient course is to act with compassion, and justice now rather than putting it off to another life time. 

It is strange to me that Christianity promotes right moral behavior by suggesting sins will be punished in the afterlife.  I do not see this as powerfully motivating most Christians to act morally.  Yet there is something about the idea that doing evil to another ruins your own karma that does seem to give people pause in their actions.  Christianity also suggests that suicide is a sin and thus attempts to prevent the commission of this act.  Perhaps this has stopped people from killing themselves.  But reincarnation makes the claim that if you kill yourself you will simply return to a life with a similar circumstance or suffering and face the choice again until you learn how not to escape the problem at hand.  This I have known to stop seriously suicidal people from killing themselves.  Rather than being a path out of suffering it then reframes it as a path to vastly more suffering.

So those who are scientifically minded are always looking for proof for spiritual beliefs. I actually think reincarnation has more proof to it than many other spiritual beliefs.  If one is not convinced that the Dali Lama is the same soul reincarnated for successive life times as that generations Dali Lama.  (the proof being that a small child who is the next Dali Lama can pick out possessions of the former Dali Lama out of a pile of objects and answer questions about his life.)  Then one might find interesting the following video clip of an American boy who kept telling his parents about dying in a plane over the ocean in a war, until he provided enough information that they were able to find the WWII records of his life, service and death, and reunite him with a still living sister.  http://www.youtube.com/results?search_query=Parents+Think+Boy+Is+Reincarnated+Pilot&search_type=&aq=f

The most convincing for me however is a story of an American woman who from a small child on drew pictures and talked of a family she had had in Ireland.  She remembered dying in childbirth very frightened for her the children she was leaving behind.  As an adult her mother helped her find the village and return there were she discovered one of the children still living there and was able to tell him things that he said only his dead mother would have known!

So what would it mean for your spiritual life if you knew you had lived other lives?

"the Should's" whispers of the past

Therapists commonly recognize that when we get in the realm of "shoulds" we are in unfortunate terrain.  With shoulds people commonly beat themselves or each other up.  Should is the language of failure, disappointment, unmet needs, guilt and manipulation.  Commonly we think of it as undesirable self-talk or as a tool in a power struggle between 2 people.  But all of these conceptualization are fairly present centered.

Today I was working with a client on a heavy feeling of responsibility she chronically carries - a definite "should" about how she must be in the world.  Somehow I thought to ask if the sense of burden to provide for day to day survival was something her parents or grandparents had actually carried. (since she does not really have this burden in the present.)  She then revealed a very real and difficult struggle for survival that her mother had in childhood.  Such a curiosity, how we can wordlessly carry down the fears and traumas of past generations.  I remember a man telling me once how he realized he always held soup spoons in a strange way and then he remembered how his father, who had survived the concentration camps, but lost a finger there, had held his spoons this same way because of the missing finger.

Is it unconscious memories of parental actions or words - is it fears and angers so deeply held that they hang in the air- breathed in by our offspring- transmuted in the breast milk - or the the blood - held in the memory of cells?  Is the memory actually like a hologram in the egg and the sperm that unite to create us?  (The egg was there inside her mother even when her mom was a scared child.)  And if the shoulds are simply cross generational memories carried as survival imperatives - can we release them to the past to live in the present?  What is the karmic effect of releasing such bonds?  As the daughter relaxes can back in time the ancestors somehow know their struggles will be successful?