Holy One

Holy One:

Please take this burden from me.
Allow me to lay this down -
to give it into your care and your wisdom greater and deeper than my own.

Allow me to rest in your arms like a child in one's Mother's arm,
Like a shipwrecked sailor tossed up upon your shore.
Let me sleep knowing that what ever comes you will be with be with me, with us unwaveringly
not in perfection, not in everything being fine or without trouble - but that you will be with us
as our Comforter and our Teacher.

Teach me in this moment.
Help me to understand what you would have me learn here
Teach me to make sense out of the missed turns and broken dreams, the series of disappointments that make up this life, that make up all human lives.
Grow me
Grow me into a more perfect disciple of your love,  a better vessel of your message.

Heal me.
Heal me of the scar tissue that acts as a barrier to the new or the now.
Heal me of the fears rooted in the past and bring into the present with you.

Forgive me
Forgive me for my timidity that has kept me from action or faithfulness.
Forgive me for the actions I have taken in anger or in hurt that were not as you would have had me act - that were not pure.
Forgive me me from the arrogance of thinking I had forever, for tarrying and wasting precious time, for false priorities or missed opportunities to draw closer to you.
Forgive me for when I forget you and live completely in the Kingdom of Man rather than your Kin-dom.

I would ask you to be with me, but you have already promised me to always be with me.
So open my eyes so I may see you clearly and without fail.
Hold me in your gaze, so I am not wander into the veil of forgetting.

Show me what you want me to do.
Make sense for me out of these confusing maze of life events.
Does this mean stop or does it mean try harder?
Does this mean rest in solitude or does it mean wait for your companion?
Your language is hard for me to understand - help me to hear clearly your intent.

An Ocean of Love - a poem

Torn from my birth mother

  Too young

      Too young to know a Heavenly Mother’s arms,

No container to hold my tears

 To boundary my endless grieving.

God came later, in the male energy form of the Divine:

Initiator, driver, knower, truth finder, truth creator

How many more years till I would know the Goddess?

Comforter, nurturer, intuiter,  creator, lover.

Cry on the breast of Mother Earth she said.

The tears and sobs coming freely.

As I realize the healing of not just me, the individual orphan,

But of a paradigm – that sees us as separate from, above, master of

And then no longer separated from Her Love

Comes the Ocean of Love,

Touching into the endless memories of people loving me

Of the love connection between us all

The irrelevance of so many imperfect love vessels –

Yes it is incomplete love, but love none the less poured through these imperfect vessels.

And love not just present, not just immediately past, but I feel the love of my grandmother

And I feel the love of those who loved her who I knew only in pictures and

The people who loved them, unknown,  faceless, stretching back in an unbroken line of love,

Holding fevered babies, toiling in the fields to feed them, binding up wounds of loved ones –

Worrying, guiding, cherishing, celebrating the ones we love.

All this love has taken me in, no longer the match girl looking into the mansion from the cold,

For I now know that I belong to the Manson filled with this ocean of Love.

This timeless march of love.

That when those moments of feeling rejected, left out or without come

That I have simply to connect with that Ocean of Love to be again in that Mansion.

But what of fear, the insidious companion of 3 years of her dying?

The fear also needed the Goddess: the comforter, the nurturer,

The breast or the earth to lay upon.

There is a pause – a pause when we are not running , or

Fighting, or freezing,  - a pause before the breath in

A pause before the breath out

And in that Pause Goddess lives!

And in that pause is Eternity!

And in that pause is no fear.

Just as the Ocean of Love contains all Love from all time

So the pause contains whatever love needs

Comfort, connection, kindness,joy, excitement, love,

These are the Easter Eggs lay waiting to be found in each day

And I the seeker!

The Idealist's Agony - a poem

                         Striving for the highest good

Home sick for a land we’ve never been

Hungering for an oasis just beyond reach

Disappointed by the fall into humanity

No perfected man.

All, washed in the pain of pride, greed, fear, inertia,

apathy and coldness.

So much good achieved…always flawed.

Try. Try again. Better luck next time, version 2, second try, practice, improvement, set back, try, disappointment, try, hurt, keep trying.

Always trying.

Wired for optimism they say. Darwinian edge to hope, to keep trying,

To not give up.

Oh, my imperfect love, how can I keep from cheating on you

with my visions, my dreams  for more, something more

complete, more whole.

Closer to Divine?

Oh, my broken, tarnished neighbors, how to not turn on you in wrath

and frustration, disappointment that you are not

my beloved community.

Oh, my Enemy, what power I give you by believing you are separate

from me, from all of us. By making you a receptacle of all our exiled parts to hold alone.

How do I walk among the half-done, the sweat, the broken promises

born of good intentions, the synchronistic moment, the passion,

the misguided attempt, the accidental success, the small kindness, the dropped ball, the over-engineered, the forgotten good idea and the lingering sweetness

                     ….into the fullness of life.

         No judgment; just is. Now—this moment.

         No expectations. No preconceptions.

Just is; Now—this moment—the fullness of life